Never say die

I will never commit suicide. (Not tht I am feeling like it or anything right now.) Just out of nowhere this thought surfaced in my mind, and I realized, tht no matter how bad things may be, I ll never kill myself, or any part of me….well the latter is kinda debatable but not the former. No matter how terrible my circumstances be, I wld never choose to end it.

I feel so bcoz I see myself doing such a thing many a times. Its very hard for me to end things. I de never kill anything. I don’t even kill a mosquito, though there are a lot of other pests I squash every now and then. But how is this relevant to what I was saying. Lol!

I see myself doing this in terms of relationships for one. Howsoever bad the condition might have become, I can never really go up to a person and say, “hey, lets end it now”. (But then when I do forge relationships i hope they de last forever. I know thts hardly ever possible, but I cant help myself from dreaming!!)

Some wld say I lack the courage and stuff, but I think differently. I give ppl a lot of space. Even if I get a little cramped up myself sometimes. I just let things be coz death is a kind of finality. That which is over has lost all chances of improvement. And even in the most grievous of situations I see, or expect to see, or imagine seeing at least some ray of hope. Somehow I believe, and very fervently mind you, that no situation is an utterly hopeless situation.

I might not realize wht a blessing life is, but I know for me having a chance to live is smth great. And I am very very selfish abt it. Or a bit too optimistic, coz I think as long as I am alive I have chance to change it for better. I really don’t know wht to make of all tht I ve scribbled above. Am I a fighter, or a die-hard optimist, or simply a coward. Whatever I or you choose to call me, I will never give in to life, or to death.