Nothing seems real anymore

Inside I know there's so much
I come to write it out
And I end up with scribbles
Nothing feels real anymore
Have I forgotten how easy
The words used to flow?
How everything was let out
And deeply from the heart?
Do I no longer know what I feel?
Pleading with life to just sweep me up
Going with the wind carelessly
Unfeelingly, and numb like a twig
Everything I'm feeling is
Unfelt, as if I'm not there
Unreal, as if I'm just asleep
And pain doesn't even exist
Maybe I'm setting myself on auto-life
A life of absense and unfelt emotions
A life with no needs of happiness
Nor pain from grieving loss
Just a life accomplishing a goal
A goal that another has set for me
And I'm unaware of it all :(